Sunday, February 12, 2012

Lupus: The red peril strikes Kronstantinople again

It's a good thing I've lost my vanity!

Four months earlier, it wasn''t quite so bad..

    (Feb. 12, 2015) Although I've had this lupus-variant disease for five years, this is only the second time that its dermatological manifestation has burst forth in such a florid and painful way. It itches and burns, oozes and crawls. It spreads. I am helpless. The first time this happened, it took nine months for it to go away. It can cause very unsightly scarring.
    The rash is the least of the worries of those with lupus. Our flares cause destructive inflammation of all major bodily systems, most importantly our kidneys and nervous systems, including our brains. I am exhausted, dizzy, unsteady and achy. I stutter and fall over. It's hard for me to type, or to write legibly. My vision is blurred. I can't sleep. My brain is foggy. My morale is very low. I just want to be in a coma until it's over.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

I shaved my head. It gave me a buzz

   (1/1/15) I finally did the deed: I shaved my head. My boyfriend has the pleasure of doing it every day, so why shouldn't I be able to do it at least once? That's the excuse I gave him, anyway. He was concerned about my psychological well-being, but that's nothing new, the poor guy. He says I'm having a midlife crisis. If 65 is midlife, I've got a problem. I'm pretty bored with everything already.
    The truth is, I'm in a protracted manic phase (part of my bipolar illness), and I've been doing quite a few rash, crazy, obsessive, self-destructive things (like stuffing myself with nuts night after night, despite the 1,800 calories). I'm going to get a tiny rhinestone in my nose, even though everyone -- except for girls who have them -- thinks I'm being ridiculous. I long to be in a sauna, where I could sweat myself nearly to death.
    I've been wanting to do the bald thing for decades. I was cured of the impulse for a long time after writing a short story about Elderly Girl buzzing off her own glorious tresses ( I got such a vicarious thrill out of her adventure that I immediately lost interest in doing it myself.
    But the impulse returned. Like Elderly Girl, I feel exhilarated. Light-headed! Enjoyably weird!